The other day, I was flipping through Us Magazine while waiting for my haircut. One page featured a pull quote from Queen Latifah, whom I generally like. Describing the contents of her purse, she said:
"When I try on clothes, my eyebrows always wind up losing their shape. So I have CoverGirl Professional Natural Lash eyebrow gel to groom and keep them in the right direction."
I call bullshit, Queen Latifah. Your eyebrows lose their shape when you try on clothes? What? Even as a shill for Cover Girl, this is beneath you.
The "phenomenon" you "describe" cannot even be characterized as a First World Problem. As it has never happened to any living being, in any solar system, it is best classified as a No World Problem.
The pity is, I am a person to whom a $6 tube of eyebrow gel could conceivably be sold. But this quote made me feel like a tool for even considering such a thing.
Me [high, mincing voice]: When I try on clothes, my eyebrows lose their shape! [Sad pout.]
Rest of the world: Oh would you just shut up?
We all make missteps, Queen Latifah. Stay awesome. And please don't ever say that again.