Sunday, June 14, 2015


The other day, I was flipping through Us Magazine while waiting for my haircut.  One page featured a pull quote from Queen Latifah, whom I generally like.  Describing the contents of her purse, she said:

"When I try on clothes, my eyebrows always wind up losing their shape. So I have CoverGirl Professional Natural Lash eyebrow gel to groom and keep them in the right direction."

I call bullshit, Queen Latifah.  Your eyebrows lose their shape when you try on clothes?  What?  Even as a shill for Cover Girl, this is beneath you.

The "phenomenon" you "describe" cannot even be characterized as a First World Problem.  As it has never happened to any living being, in any solar system, it is best classified as a No World Problem.

The pity is, I am a person to whom a $6 tube of eyebrow gel could conceivably be sold.  But this quote made me feel like a tool for even considering such a thing.

Me [high, mincing voice]:  When I try on clothes, my eyebrows lose their shape!  [Sad pout.]

Rest of the world:  Oh would you just shut up?

We all make missteps, Queen Latifah.  Stay awesome.  And please don't ever say that again.


  1. I honestly have no idea what she is talking about, like specifically, when she says her eyebrows end up "losing their shape". Does she mean that eyebrow hair originally styled upward is shifted downward? Does she mean that some sort of pencilling is disrupted? I just can't even picture an eyebrow "losing [its] shape" while trying on clothes.

    As I contemplated this, I considered that my own eyebrows might just not be plush? long? thick? enough....and did some informal research on my 15 month old daughter whose magnificent eyebrows rival/surpass any damn Queen (Latifah, ..of the Nile, Freddy Mercury, etc, etc / read: no one can eff w the legitimacy of my kid's brows, yo). Instead of our normal soothing bedtime routine of zip-zip-zipping into our cozy pjs after a lavender massage and a warm bottle, IRB board be damned, I instead pulled every conceivable item of clothing I could find over her wriggling little noggin/face to see if I could somehow induce a change of shape to her flowing resplendent brows. Queen Latifah, I tried, but 27
    items of too-small clothes into my research, not even the Captain Cutie T-shirt sized for a 3 month old could create the effect, even extremely loosely defined, of her delicious yummy little tufts of eyebrows "losing their shape".

    I second this call of bullshit. Cover Girl, fire whatever weirdo freak wrote that script. QL - do better, you're freakin Queen Latifah. Covert creatives blogspot - good looking out - with those eyes found just underneath some perfectly shaped brows.

    1. Thanks NoMinky! Your child is not even two and has already cast doubt on the claims of a major celebrity. That's one for the baby book, right between "tummy time" and "water play"...