Sunday, April 26, 2015

Robot humor

This morning (Sunday), the kids are irritating me a little bit.  I can't understand why I am here, shampooing them and serving them Trader Joe's coffee cake, instead of getting a salon pedicure while reading my latest guilty-pleasure Target novel.  Something has gone awry. 

At times like these, the single mother has to dig deep into her emotional reserves and use her robot voice.

Like annoying-nerd couple Michael and Holly of The Office, my daughter and I sometimes converse in robot voices.  Today (though not always) she started it, getting out of the tub and saying, in an electro-synth voice worthy of an 80's dance song:  "Please get me a towel."

"Affirmative.  Here is your towel."  The words are not important.  In fact, to say something interesting in a robot voice would miss the point.  

This continued into the kids' room ("Please find me some clothes"), where my son was propped in bed, reading the Sunday New York Times playing a video game.  "You two annoying robots," he remarked offhandedly.  "You stupid -- "

 I turned around and machine-gunned him into oblivion.

"Did I mention I was a killer robot?" 

After a moment of surprise, my son thought this was just hilarious.  All of us had a good laugh -- the first all morning between two tiresome children and their cranky mom. 

"If you think something bad about a killer robot," I bleeped, on a roll, "keep it to yourself.  Or it will go poorly for you." 

This seemed to cheer everyone up, and pretty soon we're off to haircuts.  Word.

No comments:

Post a Comment